I've suffered from my Fibro symptoms for many, many years and have just been diagnosed. I've had to come to terms, painfully, with the fact that my life will always be different from everyone else. Luckily, I know first hand that Fibromyalgia can be controlled as my mum also suffers from the condition.
However, with 43 years between us, I face many new problems that she hasn't.
The problem at the forefront right now is dating.
Due to my various, shall we say, endeavours over my 26 years of life, I've never been in a relationship. 2017 seemed to be the year. In fact, my first date ever happened in February of this year and the less said about it, the better.
Luckily online dating is pretty much a stable of my generation and solves the issue of actually going out into the big scary world and meeting people. Oh wait...
Moving on.
Being fatigued 99.9% of the time naturally presents some issues when meeting anyone but it is something that can be managed. It may mean spending the next 3 days in bed following a day out but as my mum, doctor and numerous other people have told me, anyone worth my time will understand that I have limits that are not my fault.
There is also the issue of being someone who is in pain all the time, and in fear of physical contact because of an increased sensitivity to physical stimuli and sensations which 9 times out of 10 causes PAIN - the idea of being physically intimate with another person is daunting.
The real kicker however, is in the mind or rather knowing when to explain the details, albeit fears, of my condition.
Do I go with the flow and see how things play out before I disclose the possible limitations my condition puts on me and my life?
Or do I explain that I sweat like I am melting even when the weather is cold; that having sex may be completely out of the question due to pain or lack of sex drive; that my moods are unstable for a number of reasons; that I may have to cancel plans at the last minute because of a sudden flare up; that there is a limit on what I can do in a day; that a cocktail of insomnia, fatigue and strong painkillers may mean I am completely dopey; at the start of anything so there is no disappointment later down the road?
No body likes having their time wasted, perhaps more so when they are looking for something specific in a relationship. And as many of my contacts through numerous Facebook support groups, opening up too soon can scare a potential partner away.
I know of women (and men) whose relationships have broken down because of the pressure Fibromyalgia places on a couple. It is a scary thought when you hear of marriages of 10 years ending because one or both parties cannot take any more.
I have cried in my mother's arms before now, asking her who would want to be with someone who in reality can bring very little to a relationship.
It recently came to my attention that my specific 'type' (see Exile Akira and Doberman Infinity's Sway lol) is unattainable and is perhaps my subconscious sabotaging any chance of a relationship. Just like I consider my weight to be a reason why I cannot attract the attention of my 'type'.
I don't want to face the reality that finding someone who accepts me and my condition is going to be hard and that I will probably be hurt along the way.
I've yet to come up with a right answer and in truth, there probably isn't a right answer when it comes to disclosing such things with someone you are getting to know.
I can only live in hope that someday I will meet someone who sees me as someone they are willing to compromise with.
I totally get you. I am a retired secondary teacher and know that on top of all the other things that young adults are having to deal with this can be a doozy. I have also ran in the all of the negative groups that stress me and make me flare so I plan on starting my own blog. My name is Jonique and I see you.
ReplyDeleteHello,
ReplyDeleteI found your page by accident. I hope you are doing better now and at least went out in some dates, maybe found the right person already. Many things can happen in a year. I'm a proud Girlfriend to someone with Fribomyalgia. From my perspective I can tell you that it is hard, but not the part of not going out, or not leading a "normal social life", which doesn't have to be the case. I mean We go out, not as often as normal people maybe, but we do and I'm just glad. WeWe ju kind of created our own way of dating and it works for us. Staying at home is also a date, just watching movies and eating popcorn. Anyways, what's hard about it is seeing your partner in pain and knowing that you can do from nothing to very little to help them. I've cried many times. I've wished I could share her pain. That's the most difficult part for someone who loves her partner beyond imagination.
On the other hand, handling mood swings has also been difficult. SimeSomet she can be very sad, to very happy, to very annoyed, to very mad and back. I've learned to hug her when she is sad, laugh with her when she is happy, getting out of the way when she is annoyed and giving her space when she is mad. It's being almost 2 years, by now I've come to learn about her condition, help her and try my best not to touch and tender point. Im aware even when sleeping. That's also hard.
All I can tell you is that the right person will come along the way... And it will stay, they won't get scared of a condition, that is firstly not your fault and secondly that you can't control. If he/she loves you, they will do what I did. Research. Support you. Care for you. Just being there might feel like it's enough sometimes.
This is a life style not just a condition. recommend you to eat healthy and regularly exercise. Wish you success!